Yuh naw come a di dead ooman party?" was how an old man inquired of his friend's attendance at the repass of a funeral I attended on Saturday. I would like to think this was in relation to the fashion of those in attendance and not the music. Judging from the early afternoon happenings it was easy to see that many took time out to play multiple roles as mourners, modellers and drinkers.
The funeral, contrary to what you might believe, was for a modest lady who lived four scores and five years. She had a full life people would say and giving up the spirit was timely. However, her spirit wasn't the only one in the air I realized on my trek outside the confines of the church walls. This trek revealed other spirits, spirits that were confined in cups and flowed with ease down the throats of persons I considered awkwardly-dressed young drunks. Who travels with cups to a church I wondered, but then I remembered the 'cup song' by Richie Loop and the overbearing need to be 'swaggarific'. No need asking what's in their cup because the smell of cheap liquor resembling urine filled the air, blowing their cover. Oh the life of a rock star ... or not. Rocking with a cup was all they did.
On another note, I think these ladies are reading too much into St Mark 1:17-18, where Jesus commanded His disciples to become fishers of men and to take up their nets. While at the funeral, I beheld a multitude of ladies decked out in fishnet stocking; and where there are fishnet stockings there are fishes ... sorry, I mean men. Oh boy, were they being caught! I am almost certain that the celebration of life wasn't on the minds of these guys as they looked on with lust at these young, and not so young, fishnet wearers strutting their stuff causing a resurrecting effect. Amazingly, this desire to be 'swaggarific' isn't just limited to the young but has sought to incorporate even the young at heart. This young-at-heart and swagga concept has given rise to the old people version - one I call 'Sagging Swagga' (see post later). It's amazing the lengths that these 'mature' ladies will go just to keep the perception of being young even at a funeral where they should be harbouring sobering thoughts about life.
From the looks of it, I am sure some persons would have been happy if we had a fashion show segment in the middle of the funeral so that they could maggle (model) their designer suits (even if they can't pronounce the names) or to maggle (model) on the matie in the cases of 'wifey walk out and matie stan' up' ... Oh.
Seriously, though, the sermon was good but I doubt if anyone outside the church paid attention a part from keeping track in their programmes as to how far they had reached in the service so that they could keep time on how long they had to look at the fashions and how many sips they had left before the service was finished. Have we become a society caught up with appearance rather than substance? Is it that our moral compass gave way to a navigation system that is directing us to material things? I am sure your views may differ but as a nation, I would like to think that we still have a sense of 'appropriateness' and a moral compass that can be fixed. All hope is not lost! We still have time to get it together. There's a time and place for everything. I will not kill to be a little modest and separate fashions and trends accordingly.
Sue me for not being fashionable and trendy but too much fashion and trends at a funeral spells OVERKILL (pardon the pun).
Check out the following links for more on this shifting cultural practice:
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/119340_Dancehall-goes-to-church-
My love for cars led me to the KIG Car Show on Saturday and ohhhhh boy did I lust. The only problem is that I couldn't afford such luxuries so I was relegated to the bleachers' section. Sitting in these cars and jeeps created an experience in and of itself. The experience was so good I came up with my own slogans for Ford and Subaru - Who Needs a Home When You Can Own a Subaru/Ford. I mean, if I should get one of these rides all I would need is a tent as an extension and a place close to a public restroom to park. However, I was quickly reminded by my friend that the future wife might not approve.
